INTERRACIAL FAMILY – WHAT IT MEANS

What a topic! It seems like everything nowadays is talking about race, color and nationality. No one can just be a person, they have to be labeled and identified, which really pushed me write about being an interracial family and what it means.

When I (Alycia) was growing up, my parents did not refer to anyone as being a certain color or type. People were just people, and quite frankly, I miss that. 

So why am I talking about an interracial family? Well, because I am now part of one. I am white, my husband is brown and my daughter is mixed. 

Being part of this dynamic has enlightened me to lots of things I had never before been exposed to and it’s always interesting to watch and experience first hand.

There are really great things about being part of an interracial family, and with everything, there are also challenges. (P.S. This is not the only things I believe to envelop us as a mixed family, but they really stick out!)

1. I WAS EXPOSED TO RACISM

There are all kinds of racism, and unfortunately many experience this in their lifetime. You can definitely say that as a female I have experienced a level of this at some point. However, I have now witnessed a different kind, and a completely different level. 

It does amaze me that in our modern day, people still are not okay with mixed marriages and mixed families and STILL have racial hatred. Really, guys?? My feeling is we have way more we could be putting that energy toward, and for the better!

When we walk down the street, I have gotten looks from all kinds. It’s hard not to notice someone giving you a dirty look or looking you up and down to wonder why we are a family. Does it really matter?? And every time I do what I always do, I smile 🙂

Oddly enough, my husband has experienced a different kind of racism. I can’t explain it, and I won’t even begin to, but he’s gotten attitude and dirty looks from women from his culture because I am white. I guess it goes both ways!

2. WE BOTH WERE EXPOSED TO NEW THINGS

Marrying into a family definitely has a bit of a transitional period for anyone. However, when you marry into a different culture entirely, there is lots to be learned. 

And I don’t know about you, but I love learning!

I learned all about a new language, new food, new movies, new music, new fashion, family dynamics – the list goes on and on. 

Not only was I picking up some new knowledge, Zeshan was as well. There were things we did as a family that Zeshan really liked partaking in – day trips to the lake, parades in Vermont, breakfast…can you blame him, who doesn’t love pancakes?!?

3. UNIQUE KIDS

Let me preface this with: Looks are not everything! 

When we were pregnant with Trudie, I mean when I was pregnant with Trudie, the one thing we kept saying was “I wonder what she’s going to look like.” 

Zeshan and I both have very different looks, obviously, so it’s a toss up what our kids were going to come out looking like. He had black hair, I’m blonde. I have green eyes, he has brown. 

Let me tell you though, when she made her appearance…we couldn’t believe it. She looked so different. And the older she got and the more her face evolved, it was just amazing to watch. Even though she does make certain faces that remind us of our brothers, she really is her own unique person. 

In terms of genetics, it’s so cool to see what happens when you mix very different features to create a new being…it was like watching us, but on steroids hahahahaha

4. THE INFAMOUS “WHAT ARE YOU” QUESTION

There are lots of forms that Trudie will need to fill out in her lifetime. And one of the questions she will have to answer on almost every one is “what are you?” 

Being a mixed child, this is not an easy answer. And for a kid, this can be complicated to get their head around. It’s easy for a kid. “What are you?” The natural response is “I’m me.” And that’s a great answer in our book!

I can’t tell you how many times we have been at a playground and someone asked me, “What is she?” When I was first asked this question, I was taken aback. I thought to myself “does it matter? She’s cute, healthy and happy.” But people just want to know.

5. KIDS LEARN QUICKLY “IGNORANCE” AND “ASSUMPTIONS”

There have been several instances where someone walking by may ask a question, make an assumption or just say something that really makes you wonder what the heck they were thinking.

We’ve had a few of these, and yes, I’m about to share some of the more prominent ones with you 🙂

Okay, first one: while my Mom was out shopping once with Trudie, someone asked my mom if she was the nanny. You know, different skin tones and facial features must mean they can’t be related. (Serious sarcasm!)

Here’s another good one. Right after I finished popping Trudie out, the nurse looked at her, looked at me and then asked “Is your Mom Chinese?” 

Okay, last one, I swear. I took Trudie to the doctor (a new one) because it seemed like she may have been coming down with an ear infection. Without even asking, the doctor assumed she was adopted. You better believe my response was “Oh no, I went through the pain of popping her out myself.”

WHAT???

The point is, you would think in this day and age with all the diversity we have (which by the way is supposedly “celebrated”) that more people would not assume or be shocked at the look of a baby or the difference in skin color between a grandmother and her granddaughter.

Our hope for this world is that people become more accepting, more open and less assuming and judgmental. I mean, let’s be real. We’re all people.

We all need food, water, shelter and LOVE. So let’s just love one another!