WHAT GIVING BIRTH IS REALLY LIKE

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WHAT GIVING BIRTH IS REALLY LIKE

Lately, I have discovered I am not the only Mama who was totally traumatized and unprepared for the delivery room. And why? Because we really didn’t know what giving birth was like. 

Yes, I know there are lamaze classes I could have taken, or some other class. But why was no one talking about the nitty gritty that I was going to experience during and after??

I remember walking into my baby shower alongside my Grandmother. She never said too much to me, but on this particular day, she felt the need to speak up. What she said was “good luck, you’re going to need it.” I’m not going to lie, she scared me. 

Someone said, “How could you say that to her?” and her response was “well, she’s going to need it. It’s the truth.” Let me reiterate: – she scared the crap out of me!

So, now that I know I am not alone, I decided to share all the “wonderful” things that happened and was in store for me after having a baby. And let me just preface this with, if you would rather go into the delivery room blind, don’t keep reading!

Still reading?? Okay, here we go! Let’s get into it 🙂

1. YOU POOP

Let’s go right to the top of the list. Yes, you poop during delivery. This was, by far, the most EMBARRASSING thing I have ever encountered. 

Here’s some VERY personal info: I am not a public pooper and I have ALWAYS been very self conscious about it and very particular about where I go. On the floor in front of multiple people has NEVER been a place I felt comfortable letting it all out. 

The nurses of course were very nice and said it happens all the time. Did that make me feel any less embarrassed?? Nope. 

So, just prepare yourself and know it’s going to happen. When you push so hard you feel like your face is going to explode, stuff is bound to come out. I know, it’s gross. But you wanted to know. 

2. IT’S A MARATHON, NOT A SPRINT

Okay, so I’m sure you’ve heard other people say “I knew a woman who was in labor for 23 hours.” Yeah, okay but that sounds like the exception and not the rule, right? 

Well, not necessarily. I will say, when it’s your first it does take a long time. So once you begin with those STRONG contractions that just make you say “IT’S TIME”, expect it to take HOURS. 

I was in labor for 12 hours total. That doesn’t mean you’ll be in labor for 12 hours, BUT, it does mean you’re going to be there for awhile. Everyone is different, and everyone experiences different delivery times. Some take way longer, some take less. 

The point is, know that you are going to endure the worst workout of your life. You will be exhausted, you will be winded, you will be sweating and red in the face. After the experience of giving birth, I choose an hour on the treadmill over delivery any day!

3. IT’S TERRIFYING

Plain and simple – having a kid is downright terrifying, and primarily because you have no idea what your body is doing, what you’re about to endure and what the pain will be like. 

For me, I really wanted to commit to not using drugs. I don’t really like needles, I had a bad experience with an epidural for something else and most importantly I didn’t want the drugs to affect the baby.

Yeah, I caved. I think the fear mixed with the pain just made me say, “get rid of the pain so I can deal with the fear and pop this kid out already.”

That’s some serious truth right there. And if you’re still with me, you clearly want to know what you’re in for. So let’s keep going on what giving birth is really like!

4. YOU BECOME JEKYLL & HYDE

Okay, funny story. We were living in NYC when we had Trudie. We had sold our SUV a couple years prior because in NYC, you just don’t need it. So our plan was to call an Uber to get to the hospital.

For some reason, there was not one Uber to be found when my husband tried to get one. Are you serious?? How could that be possible? 

The contractions were becoming so fierce I said “let’s go, we’re walking the few blocks to get to the main street to grab a cab.”

That day, my husband said he never heard me swear and yell so much, I scared him! I was in labor, the pressure was so bad I didn’t think I was going to make it, and I was walking blocks to find a cab.

We finally got to the hospital and I calmed down a bit, but the worse the pain got, the more my “personality flair ups” were happening. 

Just warn your loved ones. You’re not responsible for what happens or what is said while in labor 🙂

5. MYTH: WHEN YOU SEE BABY, YOU FORGET THE PAIN

This is a straight up myth, or other women just trying to get me to stop thinking about the pain I’m about to endure.

HOWEVER, the pain most certainly does not go away and you definitely are in for days of pain to come. 

I’m more of a “tell me like it is” kind of person and not a “sugar coat it please” kind of gal. So for me, when I heard multiple times “oh, you’ll forget all about it” I was skeptical. 

And guess what, our daughter is 4 and I still remember the pain…so yes, it’s of no comfort to tell you. 

6. TEARING = STITCHES

So…after you get past the pain, the split personalities, the pooping – you’re most likely to have some tearing “below the belt.” I know, it sounds gross and scary and painful. Let’s address the pain first.

If you decide to go for the epidural, you won’t know that you had a tear. You will, however, know the nurse is down there stitching you up! And yes, you won’t feel the pain of stitches right away because you had the needle. (You will feel that later.)

So second, yes it’s totally gross. But to be blunt, your body just maneuvered itself to pop out something very large through a very tiny hole. Let’s just say, ouch. 

And, for those of you not doing water births (apparently there’s little to no tearing in this case) and you’re delivering on your back in the delivery room, most likely you’ll be experiencing a baby ripping itself out of you, literally. 

7. YOUR BODY, YOUR DECISIONS

Just a thought to share while you’re in the delivery room giving it your all. It’s your body, and therefore your choice what you do. 

I say this because I went into the delivery room with the expectation I was going to have a natural birth with no drugs. Guess what? I went through labor for 11 hours and just didn’t have anymore left in me. 

Really, I had no clue what I was in store for, which is exactly why I caved after a full day of working at it and said, “please, give me the needle.”

I had people tell me before I went in that I could do it and even though I was going to hit a point where I wanted the drugs, don’t do it. Okay, well…had I let that bother me, I would have continued to grin and bear the excruciating pain of labor. But I didn’t and I did what was best for me.

OKAY – so now that we have covered the delivery room – let’s talk about afterward.

8. YOUR “ROSEBUD” WILL BE ON FIRE

You ever hear someone say during a workout, “feel the burn?” Yeah, this is a different kind of burn. And it’s not a good burn. 

You will be SO sore down there, it will be hard to pee. And when you pee, it will burn…and worse than when you get a urinary tract infection. 

Right after I had Trudie, the hospital gifted me with lots of witch hazel wipes and what felt like adult diapers. Sexy, right?? It burned so bad and was so sore and swollen, those witch hazel pads provided a nice cold sensation. 

Granted the cool feeling only lasted a couple minutes, but it was a nice relief from the pain. 

9. POOPING AFTER YOU DELIVER

I swear, I don’t have an obsession with pooping, BUT, I am again going to fill you in on what happens after the fact.

Your body just went through a HUGE morphing process! Your hip bones just opened up, you pushed like you have never pushed before, you sweat like no other workout you’ve ever endured, and you had fluids come out you didn’t know would come out. 

Because of this process, your body takes a minute to go back to normal and that includes your bowel movements. And, if you had stitches because you tore (it happens to the best of us, and most of us), having anything pass through that area is scary as all getup! 

The pressure from the build up definitely had me fearing the stitches were going to pop right out, blood would be everywhere…not to turn it into a slasher movie, but when you don’t know what’s going to happen your mind goes all kinds of places. 

10. DIAPER TWINNING 

I’m trying to lighten the mood! We just covered some heavy stuff. So let’s bring a little comedy in, shall we??

Not only will you now be changing a baby’s diaper, you’ll be changing yours as well. Okay, so it’s not a full on diaper, but that might feel more comfortable than the post delivery underwear you’re given and the super sized pads you’ll be sporting. 

I never had much trouble with a heavy period and the need to wear XL pads. But after having a baby, the pads just weren’t big enough. You are constantly getting up to change them for the first couple weeks. 

11. MOBILITY IS HARD

I thought I was alone when it came to this issue but am finding I most certainly am not alone. 

I kept seeing pictures of women in the hospital where they were sitting on the bed, fully clothed and looking fresh, and even had one leg folded up under their bums. Excuse me, I could barely sit up without help! And I never got out of my hospital gown until I left…because I just couldn’t.

The pain of having to get out of bed to go to the bathroom was excruciating. It took me a LONG TIME to do something that pre-delivery took me 30 seconds to do. Did I ever think I would take for granted running to the bathroom? Nope.

I don’t know how uncommon this is, but I ended up back at my office two days a week only TWO WEEKS AFTER DELIVERING. It was totally not my ideal and not what I was expecting, but it happened and thank goodness it’s over. 

I remember trying to leave the house the first time. I still could barely walk, I was in so much pain, and having to get up and down all day was brutal. On top of that I was pumping so Trudie could have breastmilk instead of formula – so yeah, it was no easy feat. 

12. MOMMY BRAIN – IT’S REAL!

No joke, I used to laugh when someone would say they forgot something or didn’t remember because of “mommy brain.” Silly me, I just thought “well that’s a copout.”

Yeah, it’s a real thing and I’m embarrassed I ever doubted it!

My memory used to be like a steel trap…I didn’t forget anything, and never had to make lists and write things down because it was all up in the noggin. I was proud of that!

Then I had a kid…and now I don’t remember things from 10 minutes ago sometimes. I have paper all over the place with random things written on them because I need to remember them. The next problem is finding where I put the paper! (True story)

So don’t feel embarrassed or uneasy if your brain just decides to malfunction after having that baby, because they totally suck the life, and the brains, right out of you! LOL I’m laughing, but I’m crying. 

CONCLUSION:

So there you have it, ladies (and gents if you’re wondering what your wife is about to go through). 

I don’t want to scare anyone out of having kids, although it might! And I don’t want you to be scared heading into new territory if delivery is in your near future. I, however, would have loved the very direct, sitdown conversation to know what was about to happen to me. 

Because let’s be real. I remember it all. The pains and the embarrassment and the wondering if I was healing properly or not is not forgotten. I didn’t forget it the second I saw my baby. And that’s mainly because I continued to live in pain for a few weeks after she made her famous debut. 

So to anyone who is getting ready to deliver their first baby, know you are NOT ALONE. For the Mama’s who have already gone through this, you are AMAZING and yay for you! And, for the men who may be reading this, PLEASE remember love, support and any encouragement and help you can provide will not go unnoticed. 

Want to know anything else? Write to me and I’d be happy to connect!